More often than not, I am plagued with the thought that all that I am doing and saying may just be lip service rather than genuine actions towards the love of my Lord. And folks, let me just say, no matter how many times this happens, each time is as terrifying as the last. I have always wanted to live a life that is truly authentic rather than one that is lived to look aesthetically pleasing to others – don’t get me wrong, I love aesthetic perfection as much as the next millennial, but it doesn’t determine what I do in my daily life. What I mean to say is that, I get it, sometimes it’s easier to live a life that looks good to others without actually believing in it, but let’s be real, who does that really benefit? You? Me? The fella down the road? Nah. It does nothing for anybody but force you to live a life that only exists on the surface.
And that’s where my problem arises. As you all know, I have always been very particular about the things I have chosen to share about my faith and the actions around it. A big part of the reasoning behind this is that I didn’t want my faith to become a piece of showmanship. I didn’t want to become the kind of person who lives out her faith ‘for the gram’. And I guess when I think about it now, a lot of it stems from the fact that I wasn’t sure in my heart of hearts where I stood with my faith. I was carrying out my actions but without a full and honest heart, and I couldn’t, in good conscience, share these with others. Because what kind of person would that make me? Essentially a hypocrite, which frankly, is worse than denying any existence of my faith.
And so I waited.
I waited until I reached a point where I felt I was starting to embody the elements of my faith in my daily actions before I shared them with others. I gave myself time to adjust to the change in my intentions, as well as continually renewing them before ‘putting them on blast’ for others to see. I knew that the most important thing for me was to relay on my tongue what was true in my heart, and it was as simple and complicated as that.
You could take many things from this post because truth be told, I both went off on a bit of a tangent and didn’t say enough, but there is one thing I would absolutely like you to take away from reading my thoughts and it is this: it is easier to live a life for others than it is for yourself, but when you stop doing things at face value and more because you genuinely care, everything changes. By synchronising your tongue with your heart in all aspects of your life, you free yourself from the box that others have/will put you in. You free yourself to exist. But most importantly, you free yourself to live. Take the time you need to understand who you are at your core, and I promise, it will make it all worthwhile.
Let this be your reminder that you are so much more than who you are perceived to be. Bring forth your truest self, and your soul will thank you in abundance.