an aggregation of my thoughts on life (and stuff)
By taking on these projects to explore elements of my faith and strengthen my understanding of Islam, I am allowing myself to understand the ways in which my faith has always complemented my life despite my resistance, and the ways in which it can guide me.
I want you to know that I have more love than you know for each and every single person who takes out a little time in their day to listen to the absolute waffle that I have to share. You have been integral to my growth as a person, whether I've actively expressed this to you or not, so thank you. I hope the following will find a place in your heart just like you have in mine.
We have loved, we have lost. We have grieved, we have rejoiced. We threw parties, and attended funerals. Somehow, we've managed to fit the entire spectrum of human emotion into one single year, and frankly, I'm impressed.
For years, I have convinced myself that there is still time. There is time to read that book I love. There is time to pray those prayers. There is time to sort that argument. There is time to let go of that grudge. There is time. In my head, there is always time. But the truth is, there isn't.
Life is insane, and it's crazy, and it throws things at you that you never even thought of in your wildest dreams, but you know what? It's still pretty dang great. The entire art of living is not knowing what you're doing but doing it anyway because, well, you can.
Excerpts from my journal: I felt a wave of calm being swept over me. A moment of stillness to wash away all the fear and the worry that had settled into my bones. For the first time, I was stepping into the unknown without the fear of chaos.
I come from a home of slammed doors, clenched jaws, tight fists, and bated breath. I have spent a near 23 years waiting for the muted rage that runs through all of our veins to settle and yet, here we are, still slamming knuckles against the wall.
Call it a rant, or my passion for independence, either way, I'm pretty sure I'm onto something here.
Life becomes worth living only when you are willing to liberate yourself from the chains of your own heart and mind.
You will never have to be 'man enough' for anybody.
Ayesha K 