an aggregation of my thoughts on life (and stuff)
By taking on these projects to explore elements of my faith and strengthen my understanding of Islam, I am allowing myself to understand the ways in which my faith has always complemented my life despite my resistance, and the ways in which it can guide me.
I've been very weary about making this PSA of sorts, but I am too exhausted by life as it is to not be honest about who I am and what I believe in, y'know? And I know, I know that I've always been very particular about vocalising certain elements of my faith and where I am in terms of my spirituality because I believe it is such a personal thing that doesn't need a public opinion on it, BUT I've changed my mind. My head is so much clearer and my heart so much softer, and I am genuinely content with the person I've become and I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that this has only been possible by the grace of my Lord.
There's this feeling I can't really describe of being surrounded by people who love you enough to not force you to abandon parts of yourself to love them. They love you despite yourself and if anything, bring you so much closer to who you are by cultivating a space where you can just be. I am so grateful for my aunt and my grandmother who are, slowly but surely, bringing me back to myself.
I want you to know that I have more love than you know for each and every single person who takes out a little time in their day to listen to the absolute waffle that I have to share. You have been integral to my growth as a person, whether I've actively expressed this to you or not, so thank you. I hope the following will find a place in your heart just like you have in mine.
We have loved, we have lost. We have grieved, we have rejoiced. We threw parties, and attended funerals. Somehow, we've managed to fit the entire spectrum of human emotion into one single year, and frankly, I'm impressed.
I learn a lot of lessons through the little things in life, but the most important one that that seems to have become a bit of a recurring theme is that with every hardship really does come ease, but it does not happen without putting in the work.
For years, I have convinced myself that there is still time. There is time to read that book I love. There is time to pray those prayers. There is time to sort that argument. There is time to let go of that grudge. There is time. In my head, there is always time. But the truth is, there isn't.
I come from a home of slammed doors, clenched jaws, tight fists, and bated breath. I have spent a near 23 years waiting for the muted rage that runs through all of our veins to settle and yet, here we are, still slamming knuckles against the wall.
Life becomes worth living only when you are willing to liberate yourself from the chains of your own heart and mind.
You will never have to be 'man enough' for anybody.
Ayesha K 